I can’t believe 4 years have gone since I went to see my OBGYN….I was 39 weeks pregnant, hadn’t slept for two and a half weeks, stressed to the max. I had my bags packed, and I argued with him.

I argued that he needed to put me into hospital and induce me….how could not sleeping for over 2 weeks whilst pregnant be ‘healthy’ for my baby. He didn’t want to induce me, as she was still little, and he was worried her lungs were under developed. We still didn’t know what caused the ‘ventricularmegaly’….the abnormaility in her brain, we didn’t know ‘if’ she would survive her birth, and ‘if’ she did, well I was told I wouldn’t get to hold her before she would be taken to NICU.

I argued, and argued…looking back I guess that was possibly the 1st time I really advocated for her.

After a long discussion, my OBGYN had a look at the specialist ultra sound that had been done less than 24 hours before. At that point, he changed his mind…..and said ‘be there at 5pm this afternoon’

why…

because he was extremely concerned she wasnt getting any nutrition.

and just as well he did….

when she was born the placenta was half-broken down, half the size it should have been.

The most amazing sound in the world would have to be the 1st time you hear your new-born cry, once you hear them cry you know everything is OK…..

but is it really….

for us in that moment, yes everything was OK. Our baby girl had  survived her birth, in a standing room only delivery room, I don’t think another Dr or nurse could have squeezed into the room even if they tried, there were around 30 of them!

our baby girl let out a cry, and at that point I was so relieved….

and when she was passed to me to cuddle….magical is one word that comes to mind….

not only did we get to cuddle her, but we got to cuddle her for around half an hour before she was taken to NICU.

My life  changed the day my OBGYN noticed the ‘abnormalities’ in her brain at just over 36 weeks into our pregnancy…but it changed even more the day she was born. Veronika was diagnosed with Down Syndrome at birth, not that I had noticed she had any features of DS, I was just so relieved she was alive, and later that day with a congenital heart defect.

It’s a roller coaster we are riding with Veronika. Some times it seems that we take 1 step forwards and 2 steps back. But I am Blessed to be riding the roller coaster of emotions with such supportive family and friends. I don’t know how I would have got thru the last 4 year without everyone support, family,  friends I have known for years, and friends I have met on this roller coaster.

Life is good, actually its great.

But

It’s not always easy, and some days it just sucks to have to fight for what Veronika needs.

I am usually a positive person, and I try to keep this blog positive, after all we are Blessed to have Veronika with us. Being told before her birth “if she survives her birth”, then after her 1st MRI at one week old, being told she had a stroke on both sides of her brain, the worst side her right side of her brain, a stroke that ‘should of killer her’, a stroke that would have ‘killed an adult’

but some how Veronika survived….

and she continues to make me smile.

We are Blessed to have a roof over our heads, and food on the table at meal times. Something that all too often we tend to take for granted. It’s not at all easy living on one income with 3 children, but we are Blessed that my husband has work.

We had only been in our home that we had built for 5 months when Veronika was born, we were going to have a ‘healthy’ baby and after I returned to work after maternity leave I was going to return to work 3 days a week, and life would be relatively ‘comfortable’. We don’t live an extravagant life, and we budget as best we can. We have a veggie garden which always help to save a few extra dollars, especially over summer, but then home-grown veggies are the best….

We are currently struggling with Veronika’s nutrition. Actually its always been a struggle. She is gaining weight slowly, but that’s because she is still on prescription formula, because she has so many food intollerances. What she can eat is restricted…….and what she can eat is also not the cheapest food items, but that’s always the way!

Veronika is my hero, you have probably seen me write that before. For what her little body has been through in 4 short years its amazing she can still smile every day, and bring a smile to the people she sees everyday too. Her therapy is going really well, we have some great equipment at home for her to use every day, but i still have a list a mile long of things I would love for her, but we will get there….

taking life day by day

sometimes half a day, by half a day….

but its a journey I wouldn’t not change…..

and I continue to Dare to Dream…..